Oh Holy fuck! What the hell do you you do when out of the blue a man makes you feel all the things you have been wishing from your husband for years? This is a slippery, slippery slope. One I don't plan on sliding down, but I feel guilty for even thinking about it. And by a lot I mean all the fucking time. Every freaking minute.

If I just write about the fact that I am probably crazy and that he probably hasn't given me a moments thought since our ridiculous flirting - maybe it will all just go away and I can go back to being normal.

I am NOT this person. What the hell is going on?

Stop wasting the couch time!

Really? we just spent ANOTHER session at the shrink discussing how clean the house is or is not? What a freaking waste. I accepted MANY MANY MONTHS ago that you do not live in reality regrading how clean and neat a house can be or that you have any idea how much I work I do to keep it as squared away as I possible can. I'm SO OVER all of THAT! I just accept that you are a complete ignoramus in this area of our marriage and ignore you.

Maybe we should spend some time discussing that I just spent five hours sitting between a co-worker of yours and his wife knowing the whole time that he has been banging our neighbor for like a year and a half....Because that was comfortable.

Or e could discuss that no matter how much weight I lose, or how toned my muscles get, that my body has had three children that you love dearly and that it will NEVER look like a 20 year old body EVER AGAIN. Let's discuss that I worry all the time that you will never be attracted to me because of that and that your marked decline in sexual advances only solidifies my fears. Lets discuss that. THAT might be worth the money it takes to sit on her couch!

Can I crash at your place?

My father-in-law is visiting. He is sucking the life right out of me. His misery is contagious. I feel like such a mean person saying that. Really, though, there is no other way to describe it. He has done NOTHING since he got here except to bitch and moan about the church back home. First of all, if you have literally NOTHING positive to say about anything you should just be quiet. Secondly, maybe the problem with your church is you and those like you who have nothing better to do than gossip and complain about every pointless detail of everything. Maybe the problem is that you think every person on earth should be exactly like you. No one should be overly educated, gay, Buddhist, Jewish, a woman, a nationality other than American, or heaven forbid NO ONE should be a democrat.

Oh, and I made the mistake of letting him see me roll my eyes when he knew I was on the telephone with my husband/his son. I saw the look of disapproval/my-poor-son-is-married-to-such-a-bitch. Well, I'm sure that he couldn't hear his son dropping f-bombs right and left in my ear freaking out about our new fence which is perfectly fine.

If I hear one more dig disguised as a backwards compliment I will come unglued. And, yes, I am very aware that every single thing I do as a housekeeper, mother and wife is compared to the princess daughter who does everything perfectly all of the time. I don't care! this isn't a competition!

Would it kill you to laugh at your grandkids' jokes and antics? Not EVERYTHING in life is a serious life lesson. They don't really like being preached at!

Okay, I could keep going, but like I have been doing throughout the visit so far, I need to remember my mantra..."this is not a battle worth fighting. Be quiet. smile. nod."

Thankfully, he has taken a side trip for a few days and will not return until the hubs is here to run interference for me.

Rant over.